The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the unit, specifically the heart and soul of each unit.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or as it is more commonly known, as S.I.N., a malfunction that is programmed in to all of these units from the moment their Earthly existence begins.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
However, on a good note, the Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is willing to provide factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs, so there is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the FORGIVENESS and REPENTANCE procedures. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart and soul component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, once it is removed, Jesus will then graciously replace it at no additional cost with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control
If you have any questions, please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth), for further details on the use (and applicability) of these repairs.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded upon expiration of the unit. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: Those human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace upon expiration, because the SIN defect will not for any reason be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!
- GOD
P.S. Please assist wherever possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and of course, please keep in mind that anyone may contact the Heavenly Father directly at any time, day or night, via 'Knee mail'!
Because He Lives!
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